He Seeks Us In The Darkest Pits
Galatians 2:20
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And, the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Having lived in Dubai my whole life, I was raised by my Hindu father and my Buddhist mother, who never forced their religious beliefs on me. And because of that, during my teenage years, there were periods of time when I believed in the existence of a higher power, and at other times, when I was a plain atheist.
I heard the good news of Jesus Christ for the first time while I was in college, but I was not entirely convinced by what I heard. I started going to church occasionally. When I was given a Bible, I read it for the sake of my conscience, because I believed that if I did not read a Psalm or a chapter on any day, then that day would turn out bad for me. To know who Jesus Christ is, and what he had done for me, was never a priority for me.
As soon as I graduated from college, I started praying for a job. My only motive behind seeking God at that time, was to be blessed materially by him. One could even say I was seeking his hand and not his face. But despite my selfish motives, God still chose to bless me with a job. But when he did, rather than growing closer to him, I started drifting farther away from him. My church visits soon became almost non-existent, and even my ‘fearful’ bible-reading slowly ground to a complete halt. But one thing kept steadily growing - my sins.
Three years after I started working, I unexpectedly lost my job in 2010. Emotionally, I was down in the pits, figuratively speaking. But it was there in those very depths that God found me; because in our darkest moments, when we are stripped of our greatest dependencies, is when we turn back to God in helpless dependence. And thankfully, when one is at their lowest point, the only direction they can move is upwards.
So, I soon began reading my bible once again, and one day, as I read Psalm 51, the words of David hit me like a train! David cries out, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.”
Suddenly, I realized that all through my life, I had been sinning against God by living my life solely for my pleasure, with no regard for God - my maker. As I began to see and understand the depth of my sins, I also began to realize how desperately I needed forgiveness for my sins. Now, I truly needed Jesus as my saviour because he alone could save a sinner like me!
When I fully comprehended the enormity of my sinfulness, I began to weep and plead with God for his forgiveness. I cried out, just like David did, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
What happened immediately afterwards is difficult to describe, but I was filled with a sense of awe and calmness, and in my heart, I felt incredibly light.
With my life renewed and now anchored in Christ, I began looking for a new job. But this time as I prayed, I knew that regardless of whether I got one or not, God was in control! This time as I sought God, my motive was different! Now, I wanted to know him more, to know his Son- Jesus Christ, and what he did for me on the cross.
God was faithful again (when is he not?), and I got a new job within 3 months of losing my previous one.
Having given my life to Christ back then, I have never looked back. My walk with him since then has been, and continues to be, an adventure with many ups and downs, but Jesus Christ has been my constant.
Today I can truly say, as Paul did in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Amen!!