Romans 5:6-8

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Isaiah 44:22

I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you.

Romans 5:6-8 and Isaiah 44:22 are the two portions of scripture that resound in me when I look back to the day that the Lord saved me.

My story cannot be told without first speaking of the days and the years that went on, before the Lord let his truth penetrate my heart, his light casting my darkness away.

Almost 5 years prior to that day, I had already ‘given’ my life to the Lord, and proclaimed him as my Lord and Savior.

I soon began to serve God in the church by leading his people in worship, and later, by exhorting them through scripture, week after week. Having given up my Catholic faith and embraced Christ according to scripture, through those years, I began to grow exponentially in my knowledge of him. I soon considered myself one who truly sought the Lord and served him diligently.

Meanwhile on the personal front, for many years I had been struggling, hoping against hope, for a life partner– one whom the Lord would appoint for me.

My life soon began to resemble a rollercoaster ride– on one side experiencing the spiritual highs that came from leading worship, encouraging people and praising God; while on the other side, experiencing the lows that made me grow weary in my struggle, to the point of becoming utterly hopeless.

However, through all these experiences, I remained oblivious to the truth that I was still a slave to my sinful nature, and a sinner, who needed God’s redemption. While I led the people of God in worship Friday after Friday, through the week I silently indulged in sin, and remained in a state of envy and covetousness, deliberately taking God’s grace for granted.

But early one morning, when like every other day, I spent my quiet time with God wrestling with him about my desperate desire to marry, that day he chose to respond to something altogether unexpected– my grievous sins!

Not just one, but every instance of my sin flashed before me. And, I finally began to see what my sin had blinded me to until then. I saw the way I had portrayed myself to be a devout worship leader who knew the word of God and lived by it, and I saw the reality of who I was– a hypocrite, whose sins separated me from God. And, I felt disgusted!

As I saw myself drenched in my sin, in my shame- like Peter- I asked God to depart from me. I could no longer dare to look above at him or ask him to look below at me. I felt I deserved no mercy, only total banishment from his holy and righteous presence.

But God didn’t think so, and I cannot praise him enough for this!

Yes, he exposed my hidden sins to me, and allowed me to see the filth and feel the weight of it. But then he brought to my mind the very scriptures that I had preached just the previous week- Romans 5:6-8 and Isaiah 44:22.

As I saw my sinful life before the cross of Christ, his words resounded through Romans 5:8 saying “But God shows his love for us in that WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us”. And, suddenly I realized that while I was still in my sin, Christ had died for ME, and through his blood, my sins had now become like the mist, my transgressions like a cloud. What love was this?!

It was then, as I wept in agony, that I experienced his embrace, and I felt his love overwhelm me. And, I could almost hear him say “Return to me, for I have redeemed you!” And, I believed him and his redeeming love for me! Though I had considered myself a Christian for over 5 years by then, I was born again on that day when my Lord saved me.

Looking back, my experience is best described by these lines from Charles Wesley’s song:

Long my imprisoned spirit lay

Fast bound in sin and nature's night;

Thine eye diffused a quick'ning ray,

I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;

My chains fell off, my heart was free;

I rose, went forth and followed Thee

Amazing love! how can it be

That Thou, my God, should die for me?

“As every instance of my sin flashed before me, I finally began to see what my sin had blinded me to. I saw the way I had portrayed myself, and I saw the reality of who I was!”