He is my Ebenezer
1 Samuel 7:12
Then Samuel took a stone and set it up … and called its name Ebenezer, for he said “Till now the Lord has helped us.”
I was born into a home, where from my youngest days, I was taught the word of God. Being raised by my father and my grandfather, who had both dedicated their lives to serving the Lord, had a huge influence on my life from early on.
However, growing up with the tag of ‘pastor’s child’ often brings with it a set of very high expectations, that I soon realised I was incapable of fulfilling on my own. Though deep down I knew I was sinful, the feeling of being compelled to comply with the expectations of being a pastor’s child made me, all the more, want to have my own way in life. I felt like I was under constant pressure to try to be perfect all the time.
The glass ceiling finally broke at an evangelistic camp in 1990. That day, as the Lord opened the eyes of my heart to see my sin, I began to understand how much I needed him as my saviour, and I was finally ready to voluntarily commit my life to my Lord.
From then on, I started experiencing a new freedom to live for him; a freedom that could only come from the Lord. He gave me a new desire to know him more through his word. He gave me a new strength to serve those around me, the same way I'd grown up seeing my mother selflessly serving our church and our family.
Life went on like that for a while, until I completed my studies, got married and moved to Dubai.
A few years into our marriage, I noticed a growth on my thyroid gland, for which surgery was recommended. But when the biopsy report came back, it showed cancer of the thyroid.
This sudden and unexpected development was very difficult for me to accept, especially as I was at a juncture in life where my husband and I eagerly desired a child. Doctors recommended radioactive iodine therapy, and along with it, advised us to put on hold our plans to have a child. This became even more painful and difficult as we met other couples who had gotten married around the same time as we did, and now had children.
In my pain, as I turned to God seeking answers, I began to understand that he wanted me to experience the pain of others on a similar journey, in order to be more sensitive to their suffering.
Thus began a journey of scans and treatments that lasted several years. Through it all, after every biopsy and scan, I learned to trust the Lord more and more. Even when the reports were not what I hoped for, the fact that the sovereign Lord allowed it to happen, and that he was with me always, was reassuring and comforting.
My husband and I waited patiently for the Lord to provide us with a breakthrough.
At this time, the Lord brought into our lives missionaries who were serving the Lord and who were going through very painful challenges in their personal lives, especially with respect to their health and their children. The Lord showed us that these relationships were his way of helping us look beyond our own pain, to see and to serve the needs of others who were also part of God’s family.
As we waited on him, trusting in him, in the fullness of God’s time and wisdom, he healed me. In his mercy, over time, he gave us not one but two healthy children.
Yet over the years, health issues continued to resurface periodically, often leaving me feeling discouraged and helpless, especially as I saw others around me effortlessly enjoy good health. The question “Why me again, Lord?” would raise its head at those times.
Over the years, as my life has continued with its own share of ups and downs, the Lord has continued to reassure me that he cares for me, and that is enough for me.
His words from Psalm 139:13-14 & 16, have become to me, my comfort and assurance.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
As I continue to undergo different scans over the years, the reality that every cell in my body belongs to the Lord, and that I have been fearfully and wonderfully made, continues to overwhelm me.
At the same time, I recognize that the Lord is sovereign, and he has allowed things to happen in my life for his glory. This places on me the responsibility to live as his child in the time he has ordained for me. A key lesson I have learnt is that I cannot let my physical ailments and family responsibilities keep me away from serving the Lord and the needs in his kingdom.
I want to encourage everyone who is waiting on the Lord, for answers that he alone can give- continue to wait only on him. He will answer in his time and for his glory, and one day looking back, you too will be able to say that the Lord has been your Ebenezer (1 Samuel 7:12).
