My Worth in Christ Alone
Isaiah 61:3
He gave me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Having been brought up in a loving Christian home, my life was a cakewalk for the major part of my childhood. Being the youngest, I was often pampered and received much attention from family and relatives. My life revolved around my cherished circle of friends.
Church and Sunday school were routines that were happily embraced, but were just traditions that were meaninglessly followed with no real desire or the need to know God.
But the blissful bubble that I had lived in came to a sudden end when I was sent to boarding school. I realized overnight that life was not the fairytale that I had imagined it to be. Loneliness engulfed me from the very first day and the unfamiliarity of everything & everyone around me devastated me. It was probably the emptiness that pushed me to seek comfort in small prayer groups and during one such time, I gave my heart to the Lord. Prayer and bible reading slowly found its way back into my life.
But an unguarded heart is always an easy target for the devil, and I was an easy catch!
From school crushes to college infatuations, I fell in step with the ways of the world, living life on my terms. An insatiable hunger for attention and acceptance was deeply rooted in me, and I sought to quench it through friendships and entertainment. My security was founded in relationships that I had built over time, all of which became an undue priority in my heart.
Church and prayer meetings still continued to have a place in my life but my heart was very far from the Lord.
My career aspirations first went for a toss, when due to repeated failure I was forced to quit a professional course that had sadly eaten up a good portion of my parents' savings.
Then over the course of time, a series of events that transpired with a domino effect struck me really hard. Family issues, broken relationships, traumatic rejection by family and friends, all left me sinking into a huge void. Everything that I had once held dear lay in pieces around me, and I was finally brought to see the futility of it all.
I stood in utter defeat and hopelessness, wanting to give up on life itself, but the Lord never gave up on me, and I am so grateful for that! I have no idea where I would have ended up had it not been for the Lord’s unfailing love and compassion on this prodigal.
“Taste and see that the Lord is good” started to become real to me as he applied his healing balm to my wounds. A renewed walk with the Lord brought emotional healing and restoration, and my despair was soon replaced with a great sense of strength and hope.
When I look back on the road I have traversed, it seems strewn with regrets and failures. And, if I choose to see myself through the lens of the world, I will always feel worthless. But when I feel that way, Christ takes me to the cross and shows me how much I’m worth to him. And, that is the beauty I see for all my ashes!
